Letter to a dark skinned brother

Dear Brother X,

I am writing you a letter because I am too ashamed of my behavior and too cowardly to accept your forgiveness this time around. I know you will forgive me - you always seem to see the higher in me. The guilt that came with this realization has led me into hiding.

When you brought up my ''act'' around him being different because he is light skinned, I naturally concluded that it was your jealousy talking. Now I see what you meant. It dawned on me when he gave me an identical opinion to yours and I took his as convincing while it was merely interesting coming from you. I know there are other dynamics that play into my behavior, but shade is a major one.

I am sorry for making his concerns but yours insecurities. For making his explanations but yours justifications. For making respect for him a default, while respect for you has to be earned. For seeing your care as a given but coming from him, an honor. For not trying with you, but always stretching my efforts with him. For taking his as admiration but yours as envy. For seeing him as being inspired while you imitate.

For seeing his actions as of lowly nature, but seeing you as of lowly nature...

I know by now sorry is a sorry word.

Respect,

sister unlearning internalized white supremacy