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25515 Posts in 9752 Topics by 980 Members Latest Member: - Roots Dawta Most online today: 64 (July 03, 2005, 11:25:30 PM)
+  Africa Speaks Reasoning Forum
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| |-+  Rastafari (Moderators: Tyehimba, leslie)
| | |-+  Non-Rasta needs HELP with angry Rasta
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Author Topic: Non-Rasta needs HELP with angry Rasta  (Read 14282 times)
Abu
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Posts: 3


« on: January 07, 2013, 08:38:53 PM »

Hello,

I have a concern about my neighbour who is a Rasta.  Please note... his behavior I feel has nothing to do with him being Rastafarian.  But due to his anger now, I want to know if I should be aware of anything because I actually feel like he will seek revenge on me.  And I am nervous.  I realize you are only hearing one side, but please trust me that I am being honest.

He's been my neighbour for a year or so.  We tend to hang out once a week (and smoke... and I buy).  He is actually the MOST generous person I have met in terms of food, borrowing stuff, etc.  And I really do like him.  But there are some serious things that get in the way, ALL related to his poor listening skills and constantly talking too much.  It results in the following.  He doesn't do it in a harsh way, but after 2hrs with him it feels harsh....

- Interrupting me constantly
- Assuming without hearing my facts or details
- Never at all asking questions or getting to know me or my opinion
- Belittling and always jumping to advice (for example telling me how I should sip my tea even though I am 45 years old)
- ALWAYS having to be right, which means he actually constantly contradicts himself (he doesn't realize)
- ALWAYS jumping to logical fallacy responses if challenged
- Pushing the Bible too much on me
- Explaining way too many details on misc things, but never allowing me the same

I have my own spiritual philosophy and views.  Part of that is respect, empathy, equality for my fellow man.  This results in my ability to be a good active listener.  Not interrupting, asking questions to explore and take an interest, etc.  Basically, I am a quiet, gentle person, but somewhat smart (I hope).

So last night we got into an argument.  I never raised my voice.  I explained how his over talking and ignoring my feelings is hurting me, and I say this because I want to improve the friendship because I like him.  Well he basically flipped out.  Every point I kindly said he just did all sorts of well... mind games (logical fallacies).  Example from last night...

Me:  When you talk about spiritual things how come you never want to hear me out, so I can explain what I know and feel?
Him: HOW DARE YOU SAID THAT!  EVERY TIME I TRY TO SHOW YOU THE BIBLE YOU SAY NO!!


Huh? See what I mean?  He ignored what I was saying, invalidated my emotions, had to disagree, responded with a straw-man response, and got angry.  And of course babbled on for 5 minutes about that.  I won't even go into the entire conversation.  It was all reverse blame... 

Me: To be honest, sometimes I avoid you because it is draining and you constantly interrupt.
Him: YOU'RE BLAMING ME FOR COMMUNICATION? I WANT YOU TO TALK BUT EACH TIME I CALL YOU NEVER ANSWER THE PHONE
.... blah, blah, blah.

I feel this is just due to quirks in him, and not his religion (although I find it contrary to his religion).  But one thing happened which makes me worry he might try to hurt me.  I hope you can tell me I am wrong.  But alpha-male control freaks tend to seek revenge (from being exposed or being in denial).

Him: (he accidentally dropped his watch) See, that's the devil who did this. (Etc.... for 10 minutes)
ME: The way you are treating my feelings right now seems more like the devil than dropping a watch.
Him: YOU'RE CALLING ME THE DEVIL?!!!!!  (goes into a HUGE RAGE) YOU'RE THE DEVIL. GET THE HELL OUT OF MY APARTMENT....
(flies open the door)

So basically now he feels I am the devil.  I didn't to imply he was the devil at all, just saying he is was being abusive basically.  Since he doesn't listen properly, and uses logical fallacy, now he feels I am the devil.  And thus I am worried how far he is going to take this nonsense.

Will he calm down?  Will he apologize? (No wait, I know that won't happen).  Will he turn to his scriptures, which will calm him down?  Has he probably gone through this before in his life? (he's married but lives on his own).  Will he try to convince his Rasta friends that I am evil and something should be done to hurt me? (I know that's insulting, just wondering if that is at all possible with him).

Yeah I'm 45.  I'm a loner and a gentle person. He's 59 and is actually well built and in better shape than me.

I'm not seeking advice on how to deal with him. I am cutting ties.  I've dealt with this denial junk before and I want nothing more to do with it.  If he apologizes on his own without fancy denial dance moves, maybe.  But from my experience a poor active listener NEVER improves their listening skills.  They just can't shut up.  Which, if you think about it, means they aren't actually interested in others (else they would want to know things about others and get to know them).

Again, I know this has nothing to do with being Rasta or him being Jamaican.  A little stubborn is fine, we all are.  But he was way out on cloud 9.  Sorry to post this if it offends anybody.  I don't even know why he wouldn't want to learn about me on his own, or hear my points of view and spiritual beliefs.  I'm from Canada, but spent 5 years in Egypt and experienced so much but can never share them with average people. I originally hoped I could finally tell him, when I first met him.  Neither can he respect the spirituality of others, but he is also denying himself of perhaps key things which I know or have access to.

These issues came up 2 other times when I tried to defend my rights and feelings, but I never let it go this far.  I would just give up.  So this was the 3rd time he heard these concerns of mine (which of course he turned into "for an entire year", versus 3 times).

Thank you,

Abu
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Abu
Newbie
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Posts: 3


« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2013, 09:10:33 PM »

Quick Note:

Everything he tried to tell me about Rastafarianism was VERY interesting of course.  Amazing in many ways.  But as a non-Rasta, I only have this observation/comment: 

With him only... I only see theory, not application.  He even found a way to find fault with me volunteering!! That's one way I apply my ethics.  And who cares if right or wrong (obviously right), it is still my choice and something I love.  I feel there is something missing in the Bible.  Not missing per se, there is just other factors and variables.  He seems too locked into Bible, and denial of his faults or what is going on around him.  Combine that with the sometimes intensity of marijuana... I wonder if he is getting 'lost' of sorts, and thus separating himself from the realities of the outside world (which includes respecting and honouring people who try to respect and honour him).  But he's been Rasta he said for his whole life or something.  I don't get it.... I thought 'tests' like me should be beginner level conflicts.  I don't read the Bible but I seem to be more ethical than he is, even though I am flawed.  The difference I feel is 'action' and 'choice'.  I chose to take an interest in my friends, and do it with actions such as not interrupting, being helpful, etc.

Why hasn't he learned these basics?  Help me to understand.  Marijuana is without a doubt a gateway tool.  But the truth is with some men it can be like drinking 10 beers and they get all weird.  He doesn't seem emotionally stable enough to combine that intensity of a gateway plant combined with very strict religious believes combined with fierce denials.  Personally, and forgive me for saying as a rookie, but that seems like a formula for disaster.  Unless of course the person is well balanced, then it goes in reverse and becomes a remarkable rainbow.

Abu

PS - If he read this now he would say I am just finding fault with him.  In other words..... he can find fault with me big time, but if I defend myself and point out his faults well then suddenly I am the bully.
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Abu
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Posts: 3


« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2013, 10:12:47 PM »

Interesting... without a reply yet, but due to posting this on this forum, I realize I made an error... If he is generous then yes, he partakes in application and helpfulness at least in that regard.  Sorry, my mistake.

Abu
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O.L.O.W.
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Posts: 6


« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2013, 12:58:12 AM »

Will he calm down?
Will he apologize? (No wait, I know that won't happen.)
Will he turn to his scriptures, which will calm him down?
Has he probably gone through this before in his life? (he's married but lives on his own).
Will he try to convince his Rasta friends that I am evil and something should be done to hurt me? (I know that's insulting, just wondering if that is at all possible with him).

In short how can anyone answer these questions with our knowing you or your friend? I am very empithetic and very happy to see that your coming here for answers but this is really a group of questions i and i can't really answer with out any outside information. Ones religion does not define the individual, i think that is very clear. Maybe your friend just has a troubled past. If he was married and lives alone i think thats a pretty big sign of past trouble. Especially if he has no regular visits or connection to his family. Often when people feel shut out they may become over sensitive and become ultra-religious. I'm also going to guess that he is the kinda guy who holds a grudge. If you wish to cut ties with him then do. If you wish to speak to him ease into it.

Sincerely Zach
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